A Day in the Life of a Psycho Killer
by mysterious fred
Summary: Bakura’s view of the world, the people, and the many ways he can torment the two! Note: Major character bashing. This is a one off story, unless I can think of a follow-up
1. Chapter 1

**A Day in the Life of a Psycho Killer!**

**Summary:** Bakura's view of the world, the people, and the many ways he can torment the two! Note: Tea and Tristen bashing. This is a one off story, unless I can think of a follow-up.

**Disclaimer:** I own NOTHING!

"…" Speech  
'…' Thoughts  
_…_ _Actions_

Bakura:_ Talking to a cardboard man_ "Hey, I'm Bakura and I'm gonna make your life a living hell! HEY! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO RUN AWAY SCREAMING! Oh, wise guy huh? FINE!" _Punches a hole through cardboard mans head _"That'll teach ya to mess with the great mind of Bakura! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

'Oh no, its that short spiky haired kid and his band of friends. And that Tea girl is with them, and watsisname, ah, Tristen, I could have some fun with this.'

"Why hello Yugi, and company, what are all of you doing out on such a boring day like this?"

Yugi: "Hey Bakura, we were going to the Arcade, wanna come?"

Bakura: "Sure Yugi." 'MUAHAHAHA, they'll regret inviting me'

Later on the way to the Arcade

Bakura: 'Must…not…kill…Tea…YET!' "Are we there yet?"

Tristen: "SHUT UP BAKURA! YOU'VE BEEN ASKING THAT EVERY TWO MINITES FOR THE LAST HALF-HOUR!"

Bakura: muttering "Patience Bakura, patience, you can hurt them soon enough…"

Yugi: "First sign of madness is talking to yourself Bakura"

Bakura: "No it's not! Is it? Maybe it is, nah it can't be, can it?"

Yugi: "HAHAHAHA, second sign of madness, ANSWERING BACK! Now Bakura, you wouldn't happen to have any hair on the palms of your hands would you?"

Bakura: _checks hands_ "Nope, HAH!"

Yugi: "Hehehe, you still got three out of four, HEY GUYS BAKURAS OFFICIALLY MAD!"

Bakura: "But there was no hair, and you only said 3 signs"

Yugi: "Oh sorry, the forth sign is CHECKING FOR HAIR! AHAHAHA!"

In the Arcade

Bakura: 'Phew, I'm away from them, now I can plot my revenge on Torpedo-Head and Madam-Friendship over there' _plotting_ 'MUAHAHA, THEY WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT HIT THEM!'

Tea: "Hey Bakura, why aren't you joining in? Are you out of quarters?"

Bakura: "Ah, yeah, quarters, no more" 'Was I supposed to bring money? I thought I could rob some kid like I normally do. Oh well, she'll probably give me half of her money anyway now, and then I can banish her to the Shadow-Realm, and take the rest of her quarters, but first to steal her credit card and pin numbers, hehehe, err I mean MUAHAHAHAHA!'

Tea: _waves hand in front of Bakura's face_ "Hey Bakura! Wake up, I said you can have some of my quarters. Bakura?"

Bakura: wakes up "What? Oh, thanks, I guess." 'How can I do this with out those other fools finding out…' "Ahem, Tea? Can I show you something?"

Tea: "Sure Bakura."

_The two leave the Arcade unnoticed_

Some random alley way behind a Lumberjack Supplies Store

Bakura: "This is it."

Tea: "But there's nothing here."

Bakura: "Oh but there is." _Pulls out a remote and presses the big red button in the middle. Giant cage lands around Tea_

Tea: "WHAT THE HELL!"

Bakura: "MUAHAHAHA! Now, now at last we can all be free of your pathetic 'friendship lessons'! I will give you this choice though, would you like to be chopped into small pieces and fed to random street animals first or banished to the Shadow-Realm?"

Tea: "Actually I would prefer something else" _winks_ (A/N ewww, this is her futile attempt to lure Bakura into the cage so she can escape)

Bakura: _looks horrified disgusted and disturbed all at the same time_ "Ahh, no, I'd rather just kill you." _Pulls out another remote with a green button which he obviously pushes_

Tea: _is suddenly bound by mechanical arms to a wall_ "Where'd the cage go?"

Bakura: _shrugs_ "Who cares, I have a whole Dumpster full of chainsaws, axes and pocket knives just for you, but I don't think you know how to use them, so I'll show you." _Grabs an axe and starts hacking at Tea's ankle_

Being the pathetic wreck that she is Tea starts to cry and make a hell of a lot of noise.

Bakura: "SHUT UP! AT THIS RATE SOME ONE IS GONNA HEAR YOU!"

Tea: "WAHHHHHHHHH"

Bakura: "GRRRRR, FINE! SHADOW REALM FIRST!"

Tea: _turns negative colours and stops moving/screaming/breathing_

Bakura: "Finally." Continues _to disfigure Tea beyond recognition_ "No one will be able to work out who she is.And I shall haveher body scattered and left for alley cats and rats to eat, they probably never will have eaten this well in years." _Looks around nervously _"I'm helping the animals. If I happen to benefit from her disappearance it's just an added bonus, BUT IT IS FOR THE ANIMALS!"

Minutes later in the same place

Bakura: I definitely prefer the chainsaws work to the axe." _Gathers chunks of flesh into a plastic bag_ "I better spread this around town, or cops will find this one area and track me down. THEY CAN"T PUT ME IN JAIL BEFORE I DESTROY THE OTHERS!" _Kicks a fire hydrant_

Fire hydrant:_ Spurts water all over alleyway, washing away all visible traces of blood_

Back at the Arcade

Bakura: 'They're still here? Don't they EVER run out of quarters?'

Tristen: "Hey Bakura, where's Tea?"

Bakura: "IT WASN'T ME! Err I mean, she's gone home, she didn't feel so good and sorta 'fell to pieces' on me" _cough._ _glares at Tristen's hair_ "Ah Tristen, on the way back I saw something I'm sure you'd love to go to, my treat."

Tristen: "Really? What? Where?"

Bakura: "A carnival! With a cannon and everything." _Huge unnatural grin_

Tristen: "Wow cool, shouldn't we tell the others though? They might wanna come too."

Bakura: "Nah, they'll spoil the fun for us, anyway, if I paid for you, I'd have to pay for them to, or pay for none of you, meaning you wouldn't save 5!"

Tristen: "Well I guess they don't REALLY have to come with us, we can tell them about it later."

At the carnival

Tristen: "OOH LOOK! CANDY FLOSS! You DID say your treat Bakura!"

Bakura: shudders 'How can he eat all this junk food and not feel sick after so many roller coaster rides, I must do away with this fool, NOW!' "Hey Tristen, don't you want to see the cannon?"

Tristen: "Yeah sure, but we SOOOO got ta come back to the 'Roller-Caves of Doom' ride, that was so cool!"

Bakura: "Yeah, sure, of course." 'But why? That ride wasn't even scary, why, my hidden lair in Egypt was scarier and it was lined with rugs and jewels, stolen yes but that's not the point, the point is this guy has no backbone, but he will be much easier to crush that way, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!'

At the cannon

Bakura: 'Finally I can do away with this fool, but how to get ol' Torpedo Head IN the cannon, ah I know.' "Say Tristen, no ones around, the cannon says it isn't working…"

Tristen: "Where?"

Bakura: _scribbles Out Of Order onto a note and attaches it to the cannon_ "Right there."

Tristen: "Oh. I didn't even see it, hahaha!"

Bakura: "Yesss… Anyway, why don't you climb in, see what it looks like from the inside."

Tristen: "Sure, there's no one here to see is there? I've already had too many warnings for 'vandalism'." _Rolls his eyes_ "I mean how is kicking a letterbox vandalism when it's MINE?"

Bakura: "Yeah… Sure… Right… Anyway, hop in, I'll watch for if anyone starts to come over." _Searching for lighter in pocket_

Tristen: _climbs in_ "WOW! I didn't think it would be so big in here!"

Bakura: _finds lighter, moves cannon to face concrete wall and lights line_ "Ah yeah, you comfortable? Oh shit, people are coming, stay there!" '5…4…3…2…1…BANG!'

Cannon: "BOOOOM!"

Tristen: "GAHHHH!" _Smashes into wall_ "Owie"

Bakura: "Pathetic fool." _Glances at wall and notices dent left by Tristen's hair_ "Wow, how much gel has he got in his hair! Ooh, better get him outa here." _Drags Tristen's lifeless body and dumps it over the wharf_ "I only fed land animals last time, gotta feed the fish…"

Back at the Arcade, again

Bakura: "WHAT!" _Knocks on Arcade doorway_ "HEY OPEN UP! I HAVEN"T SPENT ANY MONEY YET!"

Random Arcade Dude: "How much money ya got? 'Cos we're meant ta be closed."

Bakura: _thinking back to the last times that he took Tea's bank statement_ "Is over 1,000,000 on credit card and another schoolbag filled with quarters enough for you?"

Random Arcade Dude: O.O "COME ON IN MAN! This Arcade is open ONLY to YOU right now!"

Bakura: "Sweet."

The End…or is it _spooky music_

Hehehe, how was that ppl? Not bad 4 my 1st YuGiOh fic. Let me know what ya thought, improvements, ideas, etc? R&R

From The Girl Named FRED!

A/N, this story has been edited and re-posted 'cos deleted it last time, they never quite explained why, because it was interactive or something?

Well as far as I know its not interactive, the reviewers are entitled to their opinion and they post who they want to suffer next so they enjoy the story, whether I choose to agree with their choice is my business.

And if it was because I asked 2 b added on MSN did not make it interactive, it proves you do not explain the way 2 add chapters well enough cos I don't get it at all!

Thank you


	2. Chapter 2

**A Day in the Life of a Psycho Killer**

Chapter 2

**Summary:** Bakura's view of the world, the people, and the many ways he can torment the two! Note: some character bashing.

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own YuGiOh! Nor do I own Slipknot or their song Wait and Bleed, heck I'm only borrowing that CD from a guy in my class! And I do not own Liz; she's my friend!

(A/N so you all understand Liz, she is completely hyperactive just like the rest of us so most of her speech is very fast and random! Think random gossipy girls on TV but Liz doesn't gossip she just goes on about ducks!)

"Speech"  
'Thoughts'

Actions 

/Mind links/

Note: Yamis and Hikaris have separate bodies. (Duh)

**3 days after last chapters end**

Bakura: still hasn't run out of quarters or used Tea's credit card yet " Sigh, this is getting boring, I've mastered every game, got high score on all the games, and won HEAPS of lollies, foods, and toys, I'm going shopping. See ya Random Arcade Dude."

Random Arcade Dude: "I'm in for a huge promotion after this guy. What? You're leaving? Oh, ok, bye, I guess, well, there goes my promotion…"

**At the Mall**

Bakura: 'I have all this money but I can't help shoplifting, I AM a Tomb Robber after all, and one of, no, THE best!' Wanders for a while 'Oh look, it's Yugi and Yami, how can I cause them pain…like their little friends, MUAHAHAHAHA!'

Yugi: "BAKURA! Hey! How's it going? I haven't seen you for like 3 days! Did you hear the Arcade was closed, some guy with hundreds of thousands of dollars in quarters and on credit card was playing in there, so no one was allowed in while he was there, so he could concentrate I guess"

Bakura: "You're lookin' at him, I got bored before I even ran out of quarters, clocked every game in there!"

Yugi and Yami: wide eyed and speechless

Bakura: "What?"

Yami/Yugi, I don't trust him, how did he get all that money? I've known him for 5000 years, old habits die hard/

Yugi/But Yami, 5000 years, isn't that plenty long enough to have given up petty things like shoplifting/

Yami/Not at all, more likely its time to spend thinking of new fool proof tactics, and he wasn't a shoplifter, he was a Tomb Robber/

Yugi: "Bakura? How did you get all that money, just a month ago you were complaining about not having enough money to buy yourself lunch."

Bakura: "Err, I…won a competition? Yeah, that's right, a competition."

Yugi: "Wow that's great Bakura! What did you have to do?"

Bakura: "I, ah, wrote a poem?"

Yami: sceptical tone of voice "_You _wrote a poem? Well come on, lets hear it."

Bakura: "Yeah…no, I don't think so." Walks towards Knife King shop

Yugi: blinks "Did we do something wrong?"

Yami: "Yes Yugi, we did, we got too close to spoiling whatever devilish plans he has up his sleeve, or to some crime he has committed in secret"

Yugi: rolling his eyes "Yami you worry too much, I'm telling you, Bakura has gone straight, he's trying to bring his life back on track, you know, all that mushy crap Tea likes so much" winks

**Just Outside Mall**

Bakura: Shudders "That was too close, if they knew I was killing off their friends I'd be in so much shit now, the Pharaoh clearly doesn't trust me, but then, when has he ever?" Grins evilly "I know how to rid myself of those two fools, or at least one of them. If I torment Yami enough, make him think he's seeing things, he will go mad, or the others will think he is which is all I need. As for Yugi, I have the perfect fate for him, but I can't risk it until I've dealt with Yami…" Wanders off plotting

**Next Day at the Kame Game Shop**

Bakura: Knocks on door 'This had better work, but hey, if it doesn't, I always have plan B in my pocket.' Pulls out flick knife, flicks it a few times and places it back in his pocket

Yami: Opens door "What do you want, Bakura?"

Bakura: "Yami, that's not a very nice way to greet a good friend now is it."

Yami: "No it's not, lucky there's no good friends around today huh."

Bakura: "Oh I'm hurt," Rolls eyes "are ya gonna let me in or what?"

Yami: "Why should I? You probably just want to steal some cards!"

Bakura: "Why would I do such a thing, I only steal from strangers and people I hate, or just strongly dislike!" Pockets a Multiply Monster card 'Let the maddening begin…' Grins evilly

Yami: "What are you so pleased about."

Bakura: "Oh well, the reason I came over, I got an exchange student from New Zealand? Yeah, she calls it NZ for short. Anyway, she's bored at my place 'cos I'm always out and she got lost the other day, all I did was let her loose at the mall! I have some more stuff to deal with today and I was wondering if you could look after her?"

Yami: "Sure, whatever, it's boring round here too, what with Yugi working all day at that random hairdressers shop, you know they wouldn't let him work there if they knew he was stealing hair gel and dye!"

Bakura: "Sweet, her name's Liz. SEE YA!" Runs out door

Yami: Walks over to open door to see Bakura running up the street like a maniac "Yeah… Wonder when this New Zealand person gets here." Goes back inside and walks into the kitchen "WHAT THE! HEY GET OUTA THERE!"

Liz: Going through cupboards leaving a HUGE mess behind her "Man, don't you have any cheese? I mean a house shop thingie just can't be complete without CHEESE! Or Llamas, do you have a llama? I like llamas, llamas are so randomly cute and fuzzy and… CHEESE WHIZ!" Pulls a whipped cream sorta container that has cheese in it out of the fridge "Ooh…" Eating cheese spray "Mmph, I can see why you don't like ducks…"

Yami: "Uh what?" 'What have I got myself into, I should've learned by now, never help Bakura!'

Liz: Now hyped up on cheese "Bored bored bored bored bored bored… BYE!" Runs out into the street

Yami: "HEY WAIT! COME BACK! YOU'LL GET LOST!" Chasing after 'If anything happens to her while I'm meant to be keeping an eye on her I am in so much shit! Bakura will pay for this!'

**At Toys 'R' Us**

Liz: "Ooh and I want that… and that… ooh and this…" Picking up random toys and games off shelves and giving them to Yami to carry!

Yami: "Are you gonna pay for all this stuff?" (A/N Yami has already employed three random guys he found outside to help him carry all the **ORANGE **stuff Liz was picking off the shelves, lol)

Liz: "Are you kidding? Bakura promised me you would pay for EVRYTHING I wanted!" Returns to grabbing orange knick-knacks

Yami: "WHAT!"

Random Guy One: "Dude, you loaded or something? Remember you gotta pay us all 5 an hour each!"

Yami: "Yeah I remember. Oi Liz, pick up the pace hmm?"

Liz: Blinks "OK sure." Sprints down the isles in 10 minutes flat followed by four walking mountains of toys and games and orange stuff!

**Meanwhile at Kyoto Kobe Sapporo's newest mall: Rama Rama Ahuri Shoppingu Moru******

Bakura: "I wonder how Yami is surviving with Liz, who am I kidding, only the specially trained or experienced can cope with one as randomised as her! MUAHAHAMUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Starts to play with lighter

Lighter: Runs out of lighter fluid, flame goes out

Bakura: "WHAT THE? HEY! NO! YOU CAN'T RUN OUT NOW! I NEED FIRE! Sprints into my favourite store Light Up( "QUICK! My lighter just died! I need to refill it!"

Goth Shop Assistant: "Dude…" Goes out back and returns with a flask of lighter fluid and a funnel "There man, Lighter Fluid, free funnel, go burn down an orphanage or something."

Bakura: Blinks "If I promise to hurt some people with this lighter will you give me a discount?"

Goth Shop Assistant: "Yeah, why not, its just paper and metal, 10 instead of 20."

Bakura: "Make it 5,"

Goth Shop Assistant: "7.50."

Bakura: "Deal!" Hands over 8 and takes 50c change

Goth Shop Assistant: "Later dude" Hands over Lighter Fluid then puts on some headphones, Bakura's excellent easily recognises the song Wait and Bleed from Slipknot

**Back with Liz and Yami**

Yami: Has completely lost it "YOU!" Points to Liz "YOU HAVE BEEN SENT FROM RA TO PUNISH ME!" Yelling at sky "WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU! WHY HAVE YOU CURSED ME WITH THIS… THIS… DEMON?" Kneels down and punches sidewalk "I can't take any more, I choose the nut house!"

Liz: "Wish granted!" Drags Yami into a car sales yard "Ooh this one!"

Hot Sales Guy: (A/N I will let each individual reader decide on his appearance) "Hey nice choice, do you know what you've actually chosen or do you just think it looks cool?" Flashes a perfect smile

Liz: "It looks cool!"

Hot Sales Guy: "Well, what we have here is a black open back jeep, with power stern and it's 4 wheel drive capable. But of course, like every car we have on sale here, it comes with a free pair of fluffy dice in one of four colours, red, black, pink and orange."

Liz: Eyes grow wide "I WILL TAKE IT! Orange dice please!"

Hot Sales Guy: "Ok just sign here, and here, and here, your initials here and here, and I will need your fingerprint here, now one more signature and we are done. Here are the keys, oh and I'm supposed to see your drivers licence but we lose too much money doing that! BYE!"

Liz: "OH YEAH! I'VE BEEN LET LOOSE ON THE ROADS WITH A CAR! WHEEEEEE!" Smashes into fourteen letterboxes before arriving at the Local Mental Hospital "There you are Yami, oh but first, what's your card number? I want to keep spending money."

Yami: "Hmm? Oh, 3733."

Liz: "Sweet, OK, we can go in now."

Both get out of car, Yami looks lost and Liz looks very pleased about something, I doubt we will ever know what!

Receptionist: "Hello, how may I direct your psychopath?"

Liz: "My friend Yami needs to come here, he has problems."

Yami: "I AM THE DUCK LORD, GOOSE MAN! ALL HAIL THE SNAIL!"

Receptionist: "Yes I see, we will take him off your hands."

Liz: "K, catch ya later Duck Lord!" Leaves to go explore the city and continue to spend Yamis money!

**Back at the Kame Game shop again!**

Bakura: Hiding in Yugi's room "This shouldn't take long"

About an hour and a half later

Bakura: Quietly setting stuffed animals on fire

Door: Opens and then slams shut, I mean what else is a door gonna do!

Yugi: "YAMI! IM HOME! I GOT SOME MORE GEL FROM WORK!"

Bakura: "About time" Goes downstairs thinking it will be more fun somewhere away from the game shop. (A/N I mean think about it, this is the perfect hide out for him and consider all the cards and things he can make new decks with, or sell… and then steal back and resell!)

Yugi: "Yami? You home?"

Bakura: "Yami's gone out, he asked me to hang around an tell you, he wanted me to take you to this secret place. He has a surprise for you!"

Yugi: "Wow really? Cool; let's go then! Let me just go put some more gel in my hair"

Bakura: 'Yes put LOTS of gel in your hair' Evil grins

Minutes later

Yugi: "Ok I'm ready."

**Random Alleyway somewhere**

Bakura: "This is the spot, he gave me very clear instructions."

Yugi: "Are you sure? Let me see those instructions."  
Bakura: "Ah I can't, I memorised them and chucked the paper away."

Yugi: "Well repeat them to me!"

Bakura: "Umm I can't I forgot them…"

Yugi: "Then we are in the wrong place?"

Bakura: "Yes, I, no, I mean. Ah bugger it, you die now!" Sets Yugi's hair on fire! (A/N I was building up to this the whole time, stealing extra gel, desperately needing lighter fluid, if you didn't cat on until now you're really thick!)

Yugi: (A/N what else are ya gonna do if you're on fire?) "AHHHHHHHHHH! HELP! HELP! IM ON FIRE!"

Bakura: "Duh that was the point!" Having made sure only Yugi's head was on fire he watches and waits to hear the distinctive sound of the brain turning into popcorn!

Yugi: POP Collapses dead

**Days later at Yugi's Funeral**

Bakura: "He was so young… and short… and annoyingly innocent…"

Random Announcing Priest Person: "And here is one of Yugi's close friends, who was allowed to leave the Local Mental Hospital for a day to come say goodbye…"

Yami: Walks up to box thingie "Ahem… I TOLD YOU YUGI! I TOLD YOU HE WOULD NEVER CHANGE! BUT YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN WOULD YOU! NOW LOOK WHERE YOU ARE! BURN FOOL BURN! AHAHAHAHA! May yesterdays washing have mercy on your soul…"

Hospital people: Tie straight jacket around Yami and lead him back to the cushioned van.

The end-ish

There ya are, my 2nd chapter, and more 2 come, one day, when I've got nothing better 2 do than torment 'innocent' anime characters

GOODBYE FROM THE GIRL NAMED FRED!

 … is Japanese for Llama Llama Duck Mall

 This isn't a real store, it would just be cool, we r mostly all pyromaniacs at out school!


End file.
